Monday, 17 August 2009

Losing People

I'm kind of sad about starting school.

Because two very, very, VERY important people won't be there. Ellie B and Taylor (he's a guy) aren't going to be in class this year. You might "know" Ellie. She's a follower and one of my best friends. She's been going to my school since 7th grade. We've started school together every year since middle school. She's awesome. She's part of the class.

And she won't be there this year.

Taylor goes back wayyy farther. We've known each other since we were five (wow, a whole decade), and done school together since we were like seven. We've both been going to THIS school since fifth grade, and every year as long as I can really remember, he's been in my class. We aren't amazing friends or anything, we don't even talk to each other that much. But we're exactly alike. EXACTLY ALIKE. I honestly can't imagine school without him there, asking the question I was opening my mouth to ask, finishing my sentence, giving me the word I was looking for when I'm talking, making the same stupid mistakes as me in math, helping me remember what I was going to say even though I hadn't said it, glancing at each other when someone says something stupid.

I don't mean to get all...memory-lane on you guys, but...all the sudden, it feels really wrong to be starting school without him. It'll be like half the class is gone, not to mention half my brain. We don't like each other all that much, we never talk, don't each lunch together, don't even see each other outside of class, but I'm really gonna miss him. Way more than I ever imagined. In some ways, more than Ellie. I'll still call Ellie and talk to her like every day, and we'll get together sometimes, but Taylor...I might never really see him again.

I don't know what to do about that. It's not like I want to hang out with him, it's just that I feel like I shouldn't be starting school without him. He's always been there, and I kind of figured he always would be.Gosh, I hate this. I hate it when people leave that you never even knew you cared anything about. You know how whenever I get an email or Facebook fill-out and the question is "What are you most afraid of?" I always put "losing people"? Well, this is why.

I HATE this. Why can't everyone just stay where they are forever? What is so great about changing, growing up, being a LOSER and LEAVING? What is the deal?


I guess I'm done posting. Sorry for ranting.

If anyone has an thoughts or suggestions or anything about this, I'd love to hear them.


  1. It is a real shame that you'll be losing Ellie and Taylor. People like them are really hard to come by. Its good that you'll still be keeping in contact with Ellie, even if its just through phone calls. A friendship like the one you have built up will take more than distance to break it down.

    It sounds like Taylor is an awesome guy. Even if you aren't amazing friends its still great that you two seem to have a connection like the one you do. I can understand why you feel like you're losing half of your brain. I don't really know what you could do if you're already apart from him. You could try and forge a stronger relationship perhaps? It might be hard but clearly you care about him more than you thought you did.

    I hope everything turns out well for you xx

  2. Yeah, it's sad :( I think you're right, though. At first it felt like I was just losing my best friend, but now I think I'm finally beginning to believe her when she's says I'm her best friend, and that won't change.

    Taylor is nice guy...I just honestly never thought about him like that, though, lol! We always just kind of got on each others nerves, and now I really miss that.

    It made me feel a lot better just reading your comment and having you say that you understood me.

    I might just try that. It might be weird emailing him or something for no reason, but oddly enough, I don't think it would be *that* weird. We always kind of understand each other, which is sometimes helpful, but mostly just annoying, lol! I guess this is one of the helpful times.

    Thank you so much! Just saying this stuff and having someone say something back made more difference than I ever would have thought. Thanks for listening!

  3. I'm sorry to hear this, Kendra. I hope you stay in contact with both. I know it won't be the same, but...

    I actually feel so similarly to you and Taylor at the moment. My brother is leaving for university in a few weeks and we have grown up together. What you described is how we are together and more. I don't know how I will handle it, but I think you should meet up with Taylor as much as you can. I'll only be able to see my brother every two months, and that's if he and I are lucky.

    Good luck and I hope it all goes ok.


  4. Aw, thanks Cres! Sorry I didn't see your comment sooner.

    I hope you and your brother will be able to see each other often. I can imagine you hard that'll be.